If Seinfeld Characters Were Club Teams

By: Justin Pierce

Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of reruns of one of my favorite TV shows, Seinfeld. And the more I thought about the characters, the more I saw their personalities in many of the top club teams.

Naturally, I mapped some of the most entertaining Seinfeld characters to their top level club team counterparts.

 

Jerry Seinfeld // Johnny Bravo  —  The 2014 stars of the show.

Cosmo Kramer // PoNY  —  The most ridiculous people in the show, just check their Twitter. And the quote, “He is a loathsome offensive brute, yet I can’t look away” is just perfect for the team. #HipsterDoofus

George Costanza // Ironside  —  The perennial loser; maybe it’s time for Ironside to watch the episode ‘The Opposite’ from season 5. The main premise: Jerry points out that George’s instincts are terrible and “if every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right”.  So George does the opposite of what he would usually do, and it works! Maybe time for a 4 handler horizontal stack?

Elaine Benes // GOAT  —  It’s all about those little kicks. Check out Elaine’s version and GOAT’s version.

Newman // Doublewide  —  The enemy of my Ultimate universe (for no particular reason), but don’t be too upset because Wayne Knight was also in Jurassic Park and Space Jam: awesome! [Editor’s note: Also Johnny Bravo’s in-region enemy. So it makes sense to imagine Jimmy Mickle whispering this under his breath.]

Frank and Estelle Costanza // Ring of Fire  —  For all that yelling.

Morty and Helen Seinfeld // Condors  —  Probably the oldest team, but these days we only see them on occasion.

J Peterman // Revolver  —  Beau’s writing reminds me of Peterman’s rants, full of ridiculous metaphors that we just can’t stop listening to (but would we really want to?).

Susan Ross // Furious George  —  Furious’ fall from the top looks a lot like the time Susan got fired from a top position at NBC because of George.

George Steinbrenner // Machine  —  Steinbrenner’s pockets are deep, just like Chicago’s deep-dish pizza and Machine’s roster. [Editor’s note: If you follow Bob Liu on Twitter (A+ follow), his tweets can read a lot like Steinbrenner talking.]

David Puddy // Rhino  —  Dylan Freechild’s eye black is almost as much paint as Puddy painting his face for the New Jersey Devils game.

Mickey Abbott // Sockeye  —  Generally the shortest team out there, but we love them every time they’re on-screen.

Crazy Joe Davola // Sub Zero  —  Their new leggings remind me of when crazy Joe Davola dressed up like the clown, Canio from Pagliacci.

Marla Penny // Prairie Fire  —  The virgin; welcome to the show Kansas City.

Kenny Bania // Temper  —  An up-and-coming comedian for an up-and-coming team.

Russell Dalrymple // Chain Lightning – Maybe he should have learned to huck in order to impress Elaine instead of joining Green Peace – after all, chicks dig the long ball.

Dr. Tim Whatley // Truck Stop  —  Apparently, they had some trouble converting [Editor’s note: This should give some context] in their quarterfinal game against Johnny Bravo at nationals.

 

Did I miss your favorite character or your favorite team? Let me know!

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